I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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