i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
