So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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