We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize