Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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