sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm getting married
To pizza
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
