I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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