I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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