Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
