To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
