I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
