he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
