That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
