OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I cut my penus on the lid.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
