If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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