hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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