Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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