using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
