What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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