You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
MIDGETS
????
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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