I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
