You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
