You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
