I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
