There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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