In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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