his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
