i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
