I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
