just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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