Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
