You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
