I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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