is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
