I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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