Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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