even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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