Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
