Can i not drive my cunt home
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
my liver is dry heaving
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
