Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
