I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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