i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
