There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
