I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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