he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
