Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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