my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
