Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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