Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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