I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
