The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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