Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
