What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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