billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
