i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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