fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
