This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
