How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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