My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
