dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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