He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
