help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
