My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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