no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
