I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
