Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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