your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
