There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
