hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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