I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My penis needs a shock collar
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
