Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
