I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
