We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
