Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
