Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
