i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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