my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
