he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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