Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
