I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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