your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
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Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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