My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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