so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
