My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
